Woods Wellness

What I Have Learned in the Past 16 Months... 

7/4/2010  What started out as a trip to Lowe's to make some purchases on electrical supplies ...turned into a huge self-realization for myself.  I'm not sure if it was because we wandered around that place for nearly 4 hours looking for what we needed, comparing prices and brands, making decisions on style, etc--or if it was just a moment God saw as an opportunity to open my eyes to the world around me once more.  Upon entering the building I prayed for God's favor upon us in finding what we needed, finding some good sales, and in our decision-making, finding people to help, and getting along.  But as I was praying I also felt convicted to pray that our purchases would honor God and would be kept in perspective in relation to all other aspects of our purchases in life...I'll explain.  After I made all the fun purchases pertaining to color and style--not wattage and amps--I told Jerad I was going to wander around and see if I could get some ideas for our baby room.  I started in the washer and dryer section...haha, just wanted to take a peek at the new styles and moved on from there.  I am a natural people-watcher so I began to observe people as they looked at new designs for kitchens, made decisions on a front-load or top-load washer, told their children to quit touching everything, argued over colors of paint, flipped through HUGE books of carpet samples, etc. when my mind was drawn to the story of the Rich Fool in Luke 12:13...in summary, Jesus was preaching to a large crowd along with His disciples when a man in the crowd asked Jesus to tell his brother to divide his inheritance with him.  Jesus asked him "who appointed me a judge between you?"  Then He continued on, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist on the abundance of his possessions."  He summarized the parable of the rich man who had an abundant  crop and therefore felt the need to build larger barns to store all of his riches...he figured if he built more and more, then he'd have plenty of good things laid up for many years and could take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.  But the man died in his sleep that very night and wasn't able to partake in the riches he had saved up for himself on earth.  Jesus warned the large crowd he was speaking to that this would be the case for anyone who stored up things for himself but was not rich toward God.  As I scanned the purchases we had made already, I began to add up the expenses and time we were putting in to working on this project, the dollars we had spent, the time spent planning,  the preparation, the comparing, etc.--I felt God saying "what have you spent this much time and preparation on for honoring me or bringing others to me this week?"  Wow, what conviction I felt the Holy Spirit impressing upon me, yet what rejuvenation and excitement this realization brought as I planned in my head what this next week could mean for me in my quest to honor God and draw others to Him.  This blog became the first step...  My next step was to pray for all the people I observed in Lowe's stressing over purchases and decisions on how to improve their home, projects, yard, and all other earthly projects (which is fine in itself), but that they would also find a way to further the Kingdom of God with the same zeal, energy, firmness, and preparation as they did their "temporary home" purchases.  If only we would realize that these purchases for our time on earth are only fleeting, and change our thinking and actions to storing up treasures for ourselves in our permanent residence in Heaven--how much more merrier would we be! 

6/18/10
I have a fiery, red-headed child with an incredible zeal for people and life.  She is very observant, asks many questions, gains energy from talking with other people (adults and children alike), she is thrilled with new discoveries, is not afraid of trying too many things, hates peas, and has recently realized the power she has in expressing her strong opinions and desires in response to things I ask of her.  Might I mention, she holds to these opinions at all costs and will explode into a fit of frustration, anger, power, might, and rebellion when her opinion is challenged with disciplinary measures.  You might think, yeah, yeah...that is all typical of a child her age--been there, done that.  What people don't realize is, she is anything BUT typical.  She is what I have come to label "spirited."  She is loud, focused, intense, persistent, keenly aware of any slight noise, smell, texture or change in mood; she is incredibly perceptive, is very uncomfortable with change and does not adapt well to it, she has never been or probably never will follow a strict schedule (despite every effort), she takes at least 1-2 hours to wind down for bed and no more than a 45-minute nap each day (and that is a good day), she is very reactive...meaning she may yell 'no' as a first response to my request for her to pick-up her shoes, but will end up putting them away after she processes it all through and thinks better of the consequence that may result if she doesn't, and has an incredible memory bringing up things that happened over a year ago...and becomes frustrated when I can't even remember the event happening, let alone a minute detail about it.  When other mom's talk about getting their children on a strict schedule at birth, or diffuse in frustration at their child's lack of eating, or complain about their child only taking a 1 hour nap that day always causes me to smile.  You see, I used to be one of those mom's...I would get so frustrated at my child's lack of following the rules of every book I'd read or every bit of advice other mom's swore would work because it did for their children...nothing worked, nothing consistently worked.  I came to the conclusion my child was different...nothing I had done, was doing, or probably will do can change the fact that God created my little girl for a great purpose some day.  These frustrating issues today, will result in great opportunities for my daughter in the future.  I will admit there are days when I just don't like Leah very much---yes I said it--and there's more. There are days when I resent bringing her into this world.  There are days when I hate being a parent.  Most days parenting aren't easy.  I will go ahead and say it...there are some days when I can totally relate to the craziness and frustration some mom's have experienced when they drown their children or hit them or shake them...no other creature on earth can evoke such strong emotions from within me, than my little girl.  Thank God, I receive His grace minute-by-minute to not act on my crazy, fleeting thoughts in my moments of anger and stress.  He renews my strength each and every moment as I call out to Him for grace and peace in dealing with His creation.  I tell you all of this to tell you this:  I feel God gives us children to help us recognize and experience His unconditional, not always warm and fuzzy love.  We tend to only be think of love as in the movies, as fulfilling all our dreams, as filling emotional voids, as described in the New Testament...as tenderness, "as being patient, and kind, keeping no records of wrong."  Yet we forget that God's love version of love also includes anger, sorrow, lament, fury, and so many personifications that we tend to forget encompass this word 'love.'  These words sound more like the love I feel myself experiencing toward my child some days...because they aren't always filled with hope, joy, tenderness, and feel-good emotions.  We as a society have oversimplified love.  I wish nothing more than to feel good, happiness, and fulfillment from my duties as a mother (and some days there are those feelings gushing over)...but not all days---and that is tough!  What I have only recently realized though is....that is OKAY!!  We may not always feel unconditional love for our children, but that doesn't mean we love them any less, right?  When our children disobey, hurt others, choose not to live a life of the worthy calling of Christ we have an emotional response...that is, if we truly love them.  Loving them means that we desire their highest good: to know God and live righteously before Him.  We may feel pain and anger...as God does toward us when we disobey and fall short of His desire for us....so what do we do in this journey of parenting?  Well, if you would have asked me before I would have said "just deal with the feelings of guilt, don't tell anyone about my unloving thoughts toward my child, and get through it until the next stage of orneriness begins..."---but now, I don't compare my child to another mom's perfect kid, or compare myself to someone who always seems to have it together...instead I ask of MYSELF....will my discipline bring my child closer to being the person God wants her to be?  I just do what I can, and leave the rest to God--after all, she is truly His child--not mine.  I'm only here to show her the way through my actions and words---as for what her future brings and what decisions she makes--God is in control and has a will for her life.  I'm not going to be the one to get in His way.  Amen.

5/31/10
As we were driving home yesterday from a visit to my inlaw's for the weekend, as Leah was crying in the backseat because I wouldn't change her DVD to watch for the 75th time, as we were slowed in 'road construction,' as my husband kept turning down the radio station I was trying to listen too, as I saw the pile of laundry in the backseat that was begging to be cleaned, and thinking of all the things I needed to do when I got home...I realized just how selfish I had become.  I was considering all these things that many would consider blessings a nuisance to me...because they interfered with MY own agenda, with MY own feelings, with MY own pity of self, with MY own frustrations, etc.  I should have been realizing I just had a relaxing weekend seeing old friends and family, I had a healthy 4-year old in the backseat with a desire for knowing exactly what she wants, the road's were being fixed for me and my family's safety, I should have seen a turned down radio as an opportunity to chat with my husband, and the laundry as a sign of an active and fun weekend spent...when I began to realize my "Debbie Downer" attitude I prayed for forgiveness and for a renewed spirit within me as I rode the rest of the way home.  I began to reflect on just how often I slip into that mode of "poor me."  Wow!  How blessed I am, yet don't realize or appreciate it!  I was brought back to this realization this morning as Leah got angry and jumped on my laptop computer lying on the floor after I had already told her not too...after a chit-chat, discipline, and some time spent by herself, we revisited the topic in the effect that she was becoming very ungrateful for the blessings and gifts she has been given.  So we agreed that every time she breaks another toy, throws a toy, or destroys any personal property of hers or ours, she will pick a toy out to give to charity.  So as we went through her toy box, and her screaming and crying the whole way, I realized that she displays her ungratefulness and anger outwardly through her actions...which I feel is partly her age and part of her becoming 'spoiled' to today's overflowing mentality of having 'stuff.'  But then I realized I have the same attitude...just because I've 'matured' enough to keep my actions under control (most of the time), I still think these ungrateful thoughts which is just as damaging.  So as Leah realizes the hard lesson of being thankful for all the blessings of life, I will be traveling this same journey with her to renew my mind to "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right--think about such things."  I challenge you to rid your life of excess stuff and focus on the true blessings...by beginning with your thoughts.



4/13/2010
I was driving home today thinking about all the major things going on in our family right now.  We recently sold our house, moved into a 'comfy' (understatement) rental home, are in the process of buying another home but can't move in until Sept. 1 (I know, will be cutting it close), deciding whether to move into a larger rent home that is on the market--or just stay put until September, as well as the opportunity for me to expand my business, Woods Wellness, a highly-anticipated baby on the way, deciding whether to find out whether its a boy or girl, dealing with Leah's new 'scared' stage (which has proven to be quite draining), do we hire a contractor to work on our new house or just wait, financing it all, etc. . .phew!  I often don't realize the amount of stress I'm under because I just take on day at a time and worry about the present--which drives my husband crazy!?  Yet, when I do step back and consider all I'm dealing with, it is quite amazing sometimes.  Yet...exciting all at the same time.  I remember thinking about 6 months ago..."nothing is changing."  We weren't having any luck conceiving, I had a lot of hormone issues that couldn't be explained, opportunities to sell our house had fallen through twice, I was questioning my work and how I could keep it motivating and interesting, etc.  I remember praying to God asking for even the slightest change, just pleading for His grace in our time of stillness.  If I only knew what the beginning of this year would bring....!  Selling our house, finding out we were expecting, an opportunity to expand my business, miraculous healing of my previous health issues, etc were just a few of the answers to prayer we experienced.  I am so taken aback now, thinking of how I began to view God's power at my level.  As far as I was concerned, that was God's plan for us to be content where we were at with what we were doing...and I was beginning to be okay with that when "BANG"--He fulfilled His plan within our lives as He had always known would happen...just a part of His perfect timing.  I couldn't quite pinpoint what my emotions and feelings were at that time, but now I see it loud and clear--I was experiencing doubt and worry!  Plain and simple...The outcome has been so much better than I ever imagined and or could have planned for myself--yet God's grace prevailed and here we are!  Our family is expanding, our living space will soon be expanding, and now my Woods Wellness business is expanding.  I'll be very excited to fill you in on the details as things keep coming together...only by God's merciful hand!


3/17/2010
Wow, it's been a while since I have been inspired to write something...and that is crazy because a lot has happened since last time I wrote.  First off, I have been completely humbled the past 3 months and maybe that is why I haven't written because I am in such awe of God's amazing grace.  For some of you I have spoken too or who have been following this blog, you may know we have desired to have another child for about 2 years now.  Due to some frustrating and unexplainable hormone disorders that seemingly came out of nowhere I was told in mid-December that conceiving or even sustaining a pregnancy was probably not in my future...so we accepted God's will for our lives and began pursuing other options to expand our family. And exactly 1 month after we were told we wouldn't have any more children, we came to the awesome, amazing, humbling, completely unexplainable, nearly impossible truth that we were expecting!  None of the specialists can explain what happened, but I can--and it has been an awesome witness of God's great amazing power.  I can tell you that I would rather not go through the past 2 years' of frustration, unanswered questions, confusion, and hormonal ups and downs, and relational strains that we experienced--but I cannot and will not trade the amazing lessons in patience, complete faith and sacrifice of the 'unknown and unexplainable' to God, the complete unearthing of what I thought was my true identity, the huge spiritual growth Jerad and I experienced, and the amazing chance to be personally touched by God's healing hand!!  In addition, I am now able to see life from a God-perspective (Heaven-level) not my-perspective (ground-level)--nothing is impossible with God. 
2/3/2010
As I was washing the dishes, preparing dinner, mixing up ingredients for a new wheat-free pumpkin bread recipe, thinking about what I was going to do with my disability clients' exercise class the following day, and helping my daughter spell her name on the refrigerator with magnetic letters, I realized I have a problem with relaxing.  I CAN'T, in fact.  I don't know what inside me makes me feel like I have to get everything done, right now, no sitting down until it's finished, keep pushing, you have a lot to do attitude...but I am really starting to fear its hold on me.  I suppose in some situations it's great that I have that personality characteristic...but I feel it has gotten out of control as of lately.  My husband always tells me to sit down for a minute or two, just relax, that works for a few lingering minutes, and then my mind kicks into gear remembering something I did not finish earlier or was hoping to get time to do later...and off I go!  I find myself longing for the ability of my husband to come home from work, ignore all the mess, push away all thoughts of things he could/should be doing, and sits down for a few minutes...he kicks his feet up, closes his eyes, and takes a few deep breaths--sort of zoning out as a way to relax after a busy day.  I CANNOT DO THAT!  I even let my thoughts overtake me sometimes as I fume under my breath..."why is he just sitting around?  There is so much to do!"  I have only recently gotten my brain wrapped around those thoughts--and now know I get mad because I am jealous of his ability to unwind everyday.  I can't remember the last time I sat down and watched an entire movie or TV show from beginning to end without getting up throughout to do other "things" that I deem important at the time.  I think this is one of Satan's subtle lies..."you are worthless-s-s-s-s if you aren't doing s-s-s-something!" And I have fallen for it...hook, line, and sinker. Why do we think that all these petty things that make up the busyness of our day are so important at the time that we neglect the important things: relaxing, family time, reading, spending time with friends and family, shepherding our children, etc.  No, instead we get caught up in this thing we plan, work for, prepare, worry about...a thing called LIFE...I think the quote...'Life is what happens while we are busy making plans' is so true.  So my goal this month is to live with my heart...not with my mind.  Wherever my heart leads, that is where I will be...and part of that requires being still and listening. 
 
1/22/10
Life has been busy at our household the past few months...I always start the year out saying I'm going to slow down, start telling people 'no' to extra activities, focus more on things that are important, etc, etc.  Yet each year I get sucked into the swirling whirlwind of my work and all that January brings for people and their New Year's Resolutions.  Although, this year I went in with a game plan, not just to fly by the seat of my pants! (which I am getting really good at doing)  I chose to forego marketing all my classes, activities, challenges, etc. in January because everyone is self-motivated during that month--almost everyone knows what they need to do, and when...they just lack the motivation.  Well, the new year always provides that excitement and motivation of a new year, a new beginning.  So I chose to begin my programming for the month of February--people have already begun to slide on their previously stated goals for 2010 by this time and I hope to provide some change, some new motivation, support, and accountability to continue on.  In addition to a changed game plan, I've taken on a new perspective as well.  As many of you know this past year has been one of continued physical struggles-beginning with infertility, thyroid imbalances, unexplained hormonal problems, etc. Although most of the specialists I have seen can't come up with a concrete answer to my problems, they can all agree that stress is at the root of a lot of the issues I'm dealing with.  Well, I'd like to say I'm pretty laid-back about most things...don't get me wrong, I'm high energy, motivated, and a 'doer'--but I never usually 'feel' stressed...I don't ever feel like I'm stressed or at least I'm not aware I am if so.  Therefore I never really think I live a stressful life.  Yet as God has revealed to me this past year through these ups and downs of life, I have realized that although I may not see or feel the stress I'm experiencing...I'm stressed.  I'm stressed for many reasons, I have a high-energy, spirited 3-year old (hmmm...don't know where she gets that)  that I keep at home with me while I work; I exercise probably too much taking rarely 1 day off a week; I am always working...even if its just sitting at the computer--I'm researching, learning, etc.; I am always thinking about what I'm going to eat next (obsessively) partly due to food allergies; I struggle with not freaking about every food I put in my mouth...all these things are stresses to me.  The kicker is:  I've let them become stresses...all these things are great--to a point!  I've crossed that line.  I let my health decline because I can't slow down, let go, or think about resting.  I may miss an opportunity, event, or experience in life if I do.  Yet as I look back over the year I realize I may be in a 'service' field of work, yet I do not feel like I was a 'service.'  Does that make sense?  This whole year for me is going to be one of service.  Service to others, to their needs, to my work, to myself, and as a result a better service to my husband and child.  (which equals a lot less stress at home) 
So I challenge you not to worry about how much you will make, what you look like, the food you eat, the workouts you do, the mistakes you have made...be a servant.  Serve others, God will take care of the rest.  I already feel such freedom in my newly transformed mind...which will be a daily transformation for me for a long time to come. 

1/6/10

Upon the arrival of 2010, one has many thoughts to ponder.  What will this year bring?  What can I do to improve on last year?  How am I going to make this life a better one for others and for myself?  What goals will I set to achieve this year?  Where will I be in 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months from now?  These questions and many more may be on your mind, and are quite normal thoughts that most of us probably entertain about now....what is rare, though, is those of us who follow through with these questions...who actually apply these thoughts and make them our individual tasks to answer.  All these thoughts center around one common theme....time.  Have you ever realized how much of our lives are controlled by time?  Time has a ball and chain affect on many of our lives...time is an excuse for not getting things done, time is something to beat, time is something to be desired, there is never enough time, time goes fast when we are having fun, time goes slow on a treadmill, etc.  Almost everything we do revolves around time management...the difference comes in how we utilize our time.  We all have the same amount of time in our day.  An excuse I most often hear in my work is "I just don't have time."  That is an excuse. God blessed us with a free will; therefore we have the ability to choose what we do, when we do it, how we do it, where we go, who we see, what we make time for, what we are involved in, what we make important, what we idolize, what we believe, what we ignore, etc.  Many famous people have done amazing things in the same number of hours in a day that we all have to utilize.  For example, people like Einstein, Da Vinci, Henry Ford, Helen Keller, and the Wright Brothers all had 24 hours in their day like we have, and they were able to do amazing things!  So throw out the excuse of time being a hold-up for what you want to achieve this year.  To determine where your time goes..start writing down how you spend each hour of the day.  Do this for a week and then sit down and observe where most of your time is being spent...then adjust your 'time' accordingly.  Make your priorities important ones: God, family, friends, your health, etc.  Don't let this year be another one that slides by with only a thought to change...make it a priority to change...starting with time management!  You can do it.   

12/16/09
Usually this time of year, I'm rushing around trying to get my Christmas shopping done, cards sent out, food baked, avoiding guilty feelings for overeating, exercising at crazy times of the day (or night), trying to hash out a schedule that we can fit into the Christmas week in order to get all the "family Christmases" in, and ultimately keep my mind focused on Jesus Christ and His entry into this world on a cold, winter's night.  For me, in the business I'm involved in, you can't avoid the idea that January is the biggest month for growth in the fitness world--the month you prepare for long before the time arrives.  You plan all your exercise classes, marketing, programming, paperwork, etc. around people's New Year's resolutions to be fit.  Yet, as I look ahead to January, I realize I have a completely different perspective on what is important to me and what I want to portray to others as being important.  Again, I realize the experiences of this past year are affecting EVERYTHING I feel, do, say, think, or desire for others to know.  As a result, I'm not focusing my efforts so much on exercising harder, looking better, eating less, avoiding this food, eating more of that food--these things are important to an extent--but there is so much more to fat loss and improving one's fitness level.  I have realized there usually is an underlying cause for people's desire to be thin, frustration with giving in to sweets here and there, guilt for not exercising everyday, inability to stick with an exercise or diet plan, etc...Not only is it difficult because everywhere you turn there are food advertisements, or that the food industry places chemicals in foods that cause your brain to "crave" foods that are sweet, salty, or fatty, or that the ACSM guidelines that state you should do cardiovascular exercise (walking, running, etc) for 60-90 minutes a day is RIDICULOUS...and ineffective.  What most get-thin-quick gimics, or dieting plans, or weight loss programs, or celebrity trainers avoid looking at are the emotional, mental, and spiritual triggers that can make or break one's success at becoming or maintaining one's health.  I intend to provide opportunities for people to address these deep, underlying issues first, before addressing the physical portions of fat loss-to help get one's body connecting on a mind-body level.  I have realized this is the missing step, the most important, and most crucial part of changing yourself, your perspective, and your health.  I will be offering classes in the month of February in Hillsboro that will address this idea.  We will focus on the mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects of fat loss, weight maintenance, and overall health.  I will be posting more information about the idea soon--you will be able to follow along online as well.    

11/27/09
What was supposed to be a relaxing trip to Oklahoma to visit my in-laws and family friends, turned into a sad, emotionally-wearing few days.  During our trip to Oklahoma, Jerad's grandmother passed away unexpectedly early Sunday morning.  After receiving the phone call at 2:15 am from Jerad's grandpa, saying his grandma was having trouble, Jerad jumped out of bed and ran over to their house to see what was going on.  Upon calling 911, the ambulance arrived and carted her to Enid, which was a good 45-minutes away, to the closest hospital.  She did not make the trip.  The next few minutes, hours, and days that passed all seemed to run together and consisted of tears, shock, frustration, stress, decisions, concern, compassion, care, and overflowing love from friends and close family.  During a time like this, you can't help but reflect on what happened, and the if's, and's, or but's of the situation.  Like that Jerad's grandmother was supposed to visit her heart doctor last week, but the doctor called in sick, and her appointment was rescheduled for the coming week...would that have made a difference?  If we had only paid more attention to her comments of feeling light-headed all day Saturday, maybe we would have caught what the problem was before it took her from this earth...but when it all comes down to it we realize that her time on earth was through, and that God needed her in Heaven worse than we needed her on earth for now.  It's awesome to think she's not in any pain, she is getting to meet the baby she lost to miscarriage long ago, and she is catching up with old friends and family that have gone before her...while we only have pictures and the memories of the special woman she was to all of us.  Through the thoughts and tears that flooded my mind over the past week, I go back to last week when I was making plans for what I was going to do this past weekend...I have been somewhat training for a 10-mile race in Wichita...the Turkey Trot.  I have logged some mileage and geared my mindset for training to a more endurance-perspective.  I knew I wasn't planning to PR but that I wanted to finish in a decent time and have something to train for to motivate me to workout everyday.  But for the past week and a half, I have been experiencing severe pain in my left knee (which I have had an ACL repair on) that has cut many of my long runs short, decreased the amount of weight I've been lifting, and has even prevented me from crawling around on the floor to play with my daughter...and that takes a lot!  I kept going back and forth on whether to bite the bullet and run the race or avoid making it worse by not running the race and planning for another race sometime in the near future.  As my pain worsened and the weekend drew closer, I chose to forego the race and go ahead and go to Oklahoma with Jerad and my daughter, Leah.  I was upset, frustrated, and a bit jealous of my mom and sister, who were preparing to run the race.  I didn't know where this knee pain had come from, why it was so severe, and what I needed to do to help it feel better.  I am guessing it is partly a reaction to my hormone treatments...but who knows?  I chose to forget about it, enjoy my time in Oklahoma, and relax for a change.  Little did I know, this would be the best choice I could make, as the happenings of the weekend unfolded.  Jerad and I spent Friday night with his grandparents reminiscing and catching up, then Saturday morning I got to share in the excitement of Jerad shooting one of the biggest deer he has ever shot, and then was able to be there to support Jerad and his family as the life of his grandmother came to a unsuspecting, but quick and peaceful end.  I now know why I had a sore knee, I am so glad I did, and I won't complain about it anymore...because God knew I needed to be down there, and he needed to get my attention in a pretty drastic way to make sure I didn't choose a piddly race over time well-spent with family.  That is what I am thankful for...thank you God!  It is sometimes hard to remember that God sees the whole picture, while we only see a small portion of it, and that is something I guess I needed reminded of: God is a big God.

11/14/09
This past year and a half has been one of complete humility for me.  God has continued to ground me and humble me through my infertility, heart arrhythmias, unexplained weight gain, chronic fatigue, irritability, anger, acne, joint pain, and digestive problems.  Jerad and I chose not to discuss any of these issues with anyone for a long time at first.  Yet, as the time wore on and the problems became more unexplainable and more daunting we chose to open up about what we were struggling with so we would have support and prayers from our family and friends--and my personal training clients.  This was a huge burden lifted for us as we didn't feel like we had to hold it in any longer.  Other things began to happen as well...on more than one occasion I had a client or friend tell me how relieved they were I shared with them what we were going through.  They said that I always appeared to have everything together all the time, and at times I was "untouchable" to some.  This was intimidating to a few friends and clients of mine.  In addition, many felt they could never live up to the standards I unknowingly "set-up" for them...just by how I lived and acted. They felt more open to share their weaknesses and daily challenges because they knew I could empathize. I was COMPLETELY unaware of how I had become and was COMPLETELY out of touch with the reality I was living and the fairytale I was portraying.  This realization came full circle when I was looking through some old Facebook pictures I had posted a long time ago.  In the descriptions of the pictures, I was appalled at some of the things I had written about myself or about what I was doing.  From the standpoint of where I'm at now, those things sounded so conceited and prideful.  Scripture says God only takes what He needs to get our attention, and in my case He is allowing my health to suffer in an area I cannot change or handle through exercise, nutrition, willpower or determination...no doctor has even been able to determine what is going on.  But I know that in God's perfect timing I will be healed and I will feel better, but until then I have good friends, family, and clients (who are like friends or family) going through this with me by praying, calling, leaving notes, and checking in on me as I learn patience through this trial.  I am learning that walls can be broken down and relationships deepened when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open for all to see.